Something to Say...

My goodness! Has it really been a month since I last posted something here?! I knew that it had been awhile, but that’s embarrassing. At this point I’m sure those of you who were reading this have stopped checking in…

Part of the reason I haven’t posted anything in a while has been my current pregnancy. For a good three weeks there I was pretty sick and didn’t have the energy or ability to do anything other than lay on the couch and moan. But, here I am 16 weeks pregnant and, for the most part, the nausea has passed. I’m also feeling a renewing of my energy now that the 1^st trimester is over and done with.

To be honest though, the main reason that I haven’t posted anything here, or really written anything at all, is plain lack of inspiration. I started this blog to write about the experiences and insights God was giving me as I went through my daily life as a stay-at-home mom. My main goal was for it to be an outlet for me and a way to feel like I’m interacting with and contributing to adult society.

A few years ago I wrote a piece for Radiant magazines’ website about “essential distance.” The idea behind it was that all Christians go through times where they feel separated from God and that instead of feeling guilty we should embrace them as opportunities to realize how much we need Him and that we should use them to strengthen our walk with Him. I likened it to my marriage and how in those times when I feel distant from Josh I strive to return to a place where communication is open and frequent. I feel like I’m going through a time of “essential distance” with God right now and have yet to come out of it. I know God is there; that He hasn’t moved. My receptors just seem to be down.

My times of devotion fall flat. My prayers seem to be bouncing off the ceiling back at me. My spirit is left feeling dry and empty. I am set adrift and feel lost.

This is the main reason a month has gone by with nothing said…I have nothing to say. However, just as I realized years ago, this time of distance and silence from God is pushing me to remove the barriers I’ve allowed to grow between us. There are distractions that I have given higher priority to in my life than my time with Him. There are lies from the enemy that I have let myself believe.

This “essential distance” is now a catalyst to break down those barriers, remove those distractions and disclose those lies. This isn’t something that I can do on my own or through sheer will power. I believe that God was allowing me to choose my path, while still holding me in His hand, and has revealed these things to me now that I’m feeling isolated from Him. He is, and always has been, right by my side. He was just letting me exert my independence and discover once again just how much I need Him in every area of my life.

So now comes the hard part of breaking through the silence and working my way back to God. But, isn’t something worked for valued more than something dropped in your lap?